So here I am, shortly after celebrating a one year anniversary feeling like I'm now walking on egg shells. I wake up, pray, workout, work, socialize, workout, pray, sleep. Everyone at work notices a difference in my demeanor and at my one job we are like a family so I let them know the situation and they all agree I don't deserve to be in my situation. I basically felt like after her birthday which was in the beginning of November she would be quick to be done with me. By then she would have a car and I would already have attended her party and brunch. My prayers weren't that we would stay together but that he would simply put me where I am suppose to be and do with me what he needs me to do. I have never been the person to walk away from a relationship it has always been the other half, and I wasn't going to quit on this one. It was just very difficult to not feel the way I felt. Still I pushed on, did the best I could with what I could do and continued to live my life the right way.
Don't know if it would be needless to say, but it seemed as if nothing I did was good enough. I was basically living at her spot once again, although still paying bills for a place in West Chester. There wasn't a 3 day period where I didn't do something to get on her nerves no matter how hard I tried. Still, I stayed calm, tried to gain understanding and improve my efforts. The thing that sucked most about this was the fact that my Phillies were doing so good in the playoffs and eventually the world series. As enjoyable as it was, this would eventually make it the most bittersweet of moments I have ever experienced in my entire life.. Also the presidential election was coming soon which was a historical event in itself. All these possible wonderful happenings were in the midst but making them all somewhat sour was my relationship. It just proved how even when everything can be going so wonderful, if your heart is not at ease, it's just not enough to keep even a true smile on your face, because the pain will still show itself.
So the nite of her party I worked ALL DAY, literally. I worked from open til close. Although my one job doesn't always tire you out, not having my mind stimulated drains a person like me drastically. So we worked out a plan way beforehand of her picking me up and so on and so forth. From the time she picked me up, I was repeatedly yelled at, poked, ridiculed, or what have you. From me driving too slow or taking too long to get ready, which anyone who knows me know I don't take long at all. I ended up receiving a very important business call and this was something that I consider to be extremely important and although we were in the car and what not, she still wasn't feeling that due to the fact that it wasn't about her at that point in time.
We get to the club, I finish my phone call, meet her father and step mom in the club. I proceed to walk towards a tv because after all, I haven't seen any sports all day and it is a Saturday night in the fall, so I had a lot to catch up on. Outside of that, she had friends there so I figured I would just let her be, she would come to me when she wanted something. Also at this time I was not drinking at all so there really wasn't anything left for me to do because I despise yelling, yes yelling, because you can't just talk in clubs and have a conversation. So eventually she comes over, I think she asked if I would buy her a drink or something, who knows, I just gave her my wallet and continued to watch espn. She eventually apologizes because even her cousin said she would have hit her if she was me. So we dance and I let her go back to having fun because as I previously said, I was really tired and really just playing the role of the sober friend who made sure nothing got out of hand. So I guess you could say the night was a success because she had fun without too many problems. This would eventually end up being the last time I would actively go against my will and have sex.
I wake up early and go to church with my mother as I told her I would and we eventually beat Rita and her famil to Warm Daddy's for her birthday brunch. To make this story short, that place is a heart attack waiting to happen good. Very nice entertainment, and it was chill for the most part, but still felt weird none the less. Sad part is I can't remember if I ended up working after that or going home to West Chester. All I know is her birthday weekend was over, and the only thing in my eyes keeping her from leaving me was her not having her car yet. At this point I wouldn't doubt she was already talking and planning on who she would want to date, but I still believed she had not yet done anything, call it dumb faith, or strong feelings/hope, either way I held on to it and wasn't going to let it go.
As many say, time would eventually tell all...
To be con't...
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