The Start Of Something Big (con't)

So here I am post birthday weekend for Rita and as I explained in the last segment, feeling like I'm simply walking the plank but doing it with my head up and with honor. So my phillies win and I attend the parade and have a ball. That same weekend was Rita's bday weekend and shortly after that was election day, so needless to say it was a pretty experienced filled moment in my life. So America voted for the 1st black president to take over the most powerful country on earth and I was delighted to share a part in this historic event. So once again, I was experiencing all these once in a lifetime events and it was very hard to fully appreciate them because my heart was not at ease.

As time would eventually tell, she eventually gets her car and in less than a week, she got her single title back as well. I just wanted to understand why it couldn't work at the end of the day. Rather than harp on the different issues and who may have been right or wrong, when it first hit me I of course rebelled against the idea, but had to realize that you can't force love. So here I stood hurt, so I immediately went to the most reliable source I could, which was God. In a simple sort of way and as much as I wanted to not go with it, I knew this is what I asked and prayed for. This wasn't my direct doing but His doing. As I conversed with others and listened to what they had to say I soon realized a ton of things about myself that at one point in time never existed in me. This is where my moment of clarity first came and this is where the start of something big was born.

Through my conversations I realized that I'm even more unselfish than I openly express. That I was in a relationship that was damn near 30:70 rather than 50:50, and I didn't mind getting 30%. I realized that I could love anyone regardless of their past sins. That I could put it out of my mind and focus on the true good in a person and base my love on just that alone. I proved that I could seriously open up, let go and be at the mercy of the person that I was with. Although I moved to West Chester, I literally still ended up staying at her place because I desperately wanted to make it work. So in retrospect I basically sacrificed more than I had to hopefully retain what I valued most at the time.

Unfortunately none of what I did and what I sacrificed was enough and I soon came to realize that there was nothing more that I could have done. I tried my best to stick to a set of morals that I wasn't going to depart from although at times I may have went against them to keep her happy. I realized that my relationship with God and doing right by Him was more important to me than doing what made any human being happy. I realized that staying in that relationship would have been a constant tug of war between the two and that's why I ended up where I was and this help me understand why I was single again. It was now time for me to focus on that which mattered most in life which is first God and then of course myself.

It took me about 3 to 4 months to somewhat get over my other ex before Rita, but it literally took me somewhere in the realm of 2 to 3 weeks for me to fully understand and accept how my situation played out with Syreeta. God put us together at that season for specific reasons that til this day I will always appreciate. I've learned so much more about myself from that experience and it has helped me grow exponentially in my walk with God and doing my best to live right by Him. While I still to this day love every woman I was with in my past, I can say that my time with Rita has shown me more about myself than any other and for that I will love our situation the most.

Now when you can take your hurt and truly turn it into something you learn from, truly value and eventually love, is that not something to be excited about. I know now that I can go through pretty much anything and accept it, grow from it, learn from it, and hopefully share it with others so that they may learn from it. Is that not amazing. In knowing this, I can't wait for the direction my life takes and journey the path I am on because I know in the end, I will only grow more, excel more, learn more and hopefully share more. As I grow closer to becoming what He wants me to be I know I will be put in a place to truly show off His mercy, grace, love, and blessings and I can't wait. This is the start of something big, and I am more than excited and appreciative to be on this path.