Showing posts with label JMT. Show all posts
Showing posts with label JMT. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
The Start of Something Big (con't)
So I've now been in my relationship for two months now, and already we have another issue to add onto our small list. I don't have a car, now I lost my job, and although we did good at taming our urges, without putting blame on any one person, we both let them get the best of us. I was still going through my daily procedure of reading my bible and daily readings, working out in the morning and night, and simply trying to live the right way, but any relationship I have whether it be family, close friends, and women, will always be a true test for me. I am truly unselfish and don't like to let people down. So if I have something or can do something for someone, it's most likely done. Doesn't matter what the cost or lost may be to me, more times than many, if it was possible for me to do I do it. So in that said, it wasn't a continuous thing, one reason being we were still in a distant relationship, but I still held my ground for the most part. Special occasions were what they were, so I let my guard down for those times.
.
Holidays for me are a big thing because I LOVE FAMILY, PERIOD. Being in a relationship can be stressful sometimes because you now have an extended family that you are now involved with and have to be respectful of the situation you are in. Me being away from Philly made the holidays an even bigger deal to me because it wasn't like I could just take a 5-15 minute trip and see my family members here and there, so these were times where I could just chill, talk and enjoy being around my family, which is something I seriously appreciate. Rather than go into detail on what happened and to put blame on anyone, we were obviously rookies at this holiday thing and visiting multiple houses and doing stuff, so there were problems but I eventually got over them. I never knew if she really understood why I was upset til this day, but hey I guess it really doesn't matter now.
.
Keeping on the same theme of the holidays and us being rookies with the situation, I will totally admit on this one that I may have been wrong, but I'll let you all be the judge. New years to me was just another reason to party and be with friends, that's really it. It never was a relationship holiday, yea I understand people kiss at the turn of the new year, one thing I never really understood, but so be it, to me it was another reason just to party. My friends had a tradition of getting out of the city, it was just something we did. I didn't really plan on going this year, due to my budget, so I really wasn't going to make any plans. Turns out my friends already paid for everything for me and didn't let me know. Once again, I didn't have any plans and they paid for everything in advance. So when I found out I let Rita know and she didn't have it in her budget at the time to come, so she got upset that I was still considering going. Well here's my situation, I could have went, had a great time with my friends, or I could have stayed in philly, with my lady and not did much at all and let my friends money go to waste. I don't like to waste things by the way, so let that be a side note. So yes, I went had fun and she went to church and hung out with her family and was upset because she told me she was embarrassed not to be doing anything. I thought what she did was nice but we had different views.
.
January pretty much flew by with my doing things from time to time to try and make up for upsetting her and another holiday which I don't participate in approached. At this time, she now had her own place with her cousin and I had my car, so we saw each other more around this time as well. Most people know my philosophy on Valentines day and know that I really don't want to take part in such nonsense. Of course being in a relationship, where both parties don't agree can be an issue. Rather than try and change my views she just tried to make sure we would at least be together, which of course following my philosophy, if I can do it, so shall it be done. Well I don't fully remember why I got to her place so late, but she ended up cooking dinner, which was something I always appreciated but probably never showed how much I truly appreciated it, and we just chilled and fell asleep to a movie.
.
At this point, I still didn't have a job, and I was battling with a lot of things at this time, so with everyone agreeing, I ended up looking for a job towards the end of the month. This time around, I wasn't just going to do any old job, I was only going to do something that I really believed in or really wanted to do, those were my only interest. The next couple of months would really teach me a lot of things about myself and about life itself and will stick to me forever.
.
"let your light shine before men." (matthew 5:16)
.
To be con't...
.
Holidays for me are a big thing because I LOVE FAMILY, PERIOD. Being in a relationship can be stressful sometimes because you now have an extended family that you are now involved with and have to be respectful of the situation you are in. Me being away from Philly made the holidays an even bigger deal to me because it wasn't like I could just take a 5-15 minute trip and see my family members here and there, so these were times where I could just chill, talk and enjoy being around my family, which is something I seriously appreciate. Rather than go into detail on what happened and to put blame on anyone, we were obviously rookies at this holiday thing and visiting multiple houses and doing stuff, so there were problems but I eventually got over them. I never knew if she really understood why I was upset til this day, but hey I guess it really doesn't matter now.
.
Keeping on the same theme of the holidays and us being rookies with the situation, I will totally admit on this one that I may have been wrong, but I'll let you all be the judge. New years to me was just another reason to party and be with friends, that's really it. It never was a relationship holiday, yea I understand people kiss at the turn of the new year, one thing I never really understood, but so be it, to me it was another reason just to party. My friends had a tradition of getting out of the city, it was just something we did. I didn't really plan on going this year, due to my budget, so I really wasn't going to make any plans. Turns out my friends already paid for everything for me and didn't let me know. Once again, I didn't have any plans and they paid for everything in advance. So when I found out I let Rita know and she didn't have it in her budget at the time to come, so she got upset that I was still considering going. Well here's my situation, I could have went, had a great time with my friends, or I could have stayed in philly, with my lady and not did much at all and let my friends money go to waste. I don't like to waste things by the way, so let that be a side note. So yes, I went had fun and she went to church and hung out with her family and was upset because she told me she was embarrassed not to be doing anything. I thought what she did was nice but we had different views.
.
January pretty much flew by with my doing things from time to time to try and make up for upsetting her and another holiday which I don't participate in approached. At this time, she now had her own place with her cousin and I had my car, so we saw each other more around this time as well. Most people know my philosophy on Valentines day and know that I really don't want to take part in such nonsense. Of course being in a relationship, where both parties don't agree can be an issue. Rather than try and change my views she just tried to make sure we would at least be together, which of course following my philosophy, if I can do it, so shall it be done. Well I don't fully remember why I got to her place so late, but she ended up cooking dinner, which was something I always appreciated but probably never showed how much I truly appreciated it, and we just chilled and fell asleep to a movie.
.
At this point, I still didn't have a job, and I was battling with a lot of things at this time, so with everyone agreeing, I ended up looking for a job towards the end of the month. This time around, I wasn't just going to do any old job, I was only going to do something that I really believed in or really wanted to do, those were my only interest. The next couple of months would really teach me a lot of things about myself and about life itself and will stick to me forever.
.
"let your light shine before men." (matthew 5:16)
.
To be con't...
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
The Start Of Something Big (cont)
So it was agreed that I wouldn't contact her and that when she felt like it she would contact me, that way I wasn't annoying her. Well I figured I would hear from her more often then it turned out. I was somewhat annoyed at first, because once again, I felt as though I didn't do anything wrong, so why is she avoiding me like this. But I held strong, didn't call, staying on course with my growing relationship with God. Before we made this aggreement, I already noted that she was already dating other people. IT WASN'T EVEN 3 FULL WEEKS. So needless to say, that struck a heavy cord. Now that I wasn't looking at her profiles or hearing from her, my mind just ran rampid, so I tried desparately to keep my mind focus on God. For the most part it worked until I was simply flat out tired of reading and my praying practices weren't the best at the time, so elongated periods of praying never lasted long enough to keep my mind totally occupied and off of thinking about her. Then it finally happend.
.
When we talked it was eerie to say the least. It was obvious this wasn't going to work. While I was trying my hardest to be a friend and that alone, hearing about anything involving her and another guy was self mutilation to say the least. On top of the fact that she obviously didn't feel comfortable talking to me because of her feelings she was trying desperately to let go. One thing lead to another and we eventually would go through of a back and forth of me wanting more and her treating me like I took her dog and punted it. As time went on, my depression made guest appearances here and there depending on her actions, and needless to say, this was one roller coaster I didn't want to ever be on or event think about riding again.
After one big bout with my depression I made up my mind that I'm going to focus harder, pray longer, and concern myself with staying as positive as possible. I acknowledge the hurt, accepted it, but tried my best to get myself focused on the future on what's in front of me. It was difficult to say the least, so I continuously asked God for help in getting me over this hurdle, and past this feeling. Well as they say, be careful what you ask for.
One night when I didn't have to work, I wasn't really feeling depressed or anything else at that point in time, it was a very weird feeling. It's like I didn't feel anything, which could be very dangerous. At this point in time I didn't really drink much, but I would smoke here and there only in social situations. But this one night, when I was all alone, emotionless, and just watching tv, the power went out. So I calmly lit some candles and had a very intense reading session and praying session and just conversed with God until I peacefully went to sleep. It really was a fulfilling night, but I had no idea how fulfilling it would until I woke up.
To Be Con't...
.
When we talked it was eerie to say the least. It was obvious this wasn't going to work. While I was trying my hardest to be a friend and that alone, hearing about anything involving her and another guy was self mutilation to say the least. On top of the fact that she obviously didn't feel comfortable talking to me because of her feelings she was trying desperately to let go. One thing lead to another and we eventually would go through of a back and forth of me wanting more and her treating me like I took her dog and punted it. As time went on, my depression made guest appearances here and there depending on her actions, and needless to say, this was one roller coaster I didn't want to ever be on or event think about riding again.
After one big bout with my depression I made up my mind that I'm going to focus harder, pray longer, and concern myself with staying as positive as possible. I acknowledge the hurt, accepted it, but tried my best to get myself focused on the future on what's in front of me. It was difficult to say the least, so I continuously asked God for help in getting me over this hurdle, and past this feeling. Well as they say, be careful what you ask for.
One night when I didn't have to work, I wasn't really feeling depressed or anything else at that point in time, it was a very weird feeling. It's like I didn't feel anything, which could be very dangerous. At this point in time I didn't really drink much, but I would smoke here and there only in social situations. But this one night, when I was all alone, emotionless, and just watching tv, the power went out. So I calmly lit some candles and had a very intense reading session and praying session and just conversed with God until I peacefully went to sleep. It really was a fulfilling night, but I had no idea how fulfilling it would until I woke up.
To Be Con't...
Monday, January 26, 2009
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