So here it is, summer break, I have my own place, still have my
stable job, completely healthy, and just flat out depressed. So unappreciative,
unthankful, and flat out on that
borderline towards approaching feeling like my life was pointless. I couldn't understand how I lost someone that I loved so much. It was hard for me to figure out what exactly I did to have that happen. WE BOTH HAD PROBLEMS. I worked through them, for me, and for her. I walked a mile to work in all weather. I made sure her necessities were taken care of even if it meant sacrificing things I wanted. I tried my best to support her depression, but sometimes there is nothing you can really do but pray, and that's the lesson I know now, but lacked then. All in all, I knew that one day we would work out our problems and be together, so when she told me she didn't ever think she could see herself with me, I was devastated. It simply didn't make sense to me.
.So I'm now working where she was on top of my
stable job. I started to work there to one, make extra money, two provide her with some company at work, and three to possibly start a workout program for both of us after work. So now I'm at this 3rd shift job where everything there reminds me of her. I then go home, take a nap and go to my regular job and once again everything there reminds me of her. Any thought of her triggered a silence upon me and a very painful heart. This made it pretty much horrible to try and actually work a job. It really was hard for me to even fake a smile when talking with customers. On top of feeling like that, I would try to maintain a friendship with her, which proved to be more devastating because she treated me as if I was her worst enemy. So the times we did talk didn't accomplish anything out of making the situation worst. I didn't know any way I was going to get through this.
.Soon enough a very weird thing happened. I started talking with friends who knew most of everything about the situation, and outside of the relationship stuff, God started coming up more and more. This was weird simply because I NEVER conversed with my friends about God. So I slowly started re-establishing my relationship with Him. I simply talked with Him most times I was home and that was whenever I wasn't at work. I didn't go anywhere due to the fact that I struggle to get up the energy to want to have fun, so we talked a lot. Life really seemed pointless without her. So as I talked more with Him, he shared some insight and I realized many things about myself that I didn't like. These were things that went against living the right way not things that caused my ex to make the decision she made. The more I talked with Him, the more it became about me and not her. .I slowly developed a new goal of simply improving me and praying that he does the same for her. Hoping that we will develop into what we both needed and wanted each other to be. So now that gave work a purpose for me and made it easier to do. I started a daily workout plan and was reading my Bible daily. I was still hurting a lot, but my life had a purpose and I had a goal, and I had a belief that fueled it all. While all of this was good, there was one major problem. My ex was still treating me like I killed her dog. It was to the point where I eventually told her I would just leave her alone and not bother her because she obviously hates me and doesn't want to even talk to me. So I let her know that I would take her from my webpages and so on in hopes that I won't see anything about her and try to contact her because of it. She liked that idea and agreed that she would call me because whenever I called her seems to be the wrong time and I don't have anything to say that she wants to hear. So I was basically trying to cleanse my system of her, so that I could focus more on me and not on the hurt, give her some space, and put all the cards in her hand.I thought that everything would be good from here on out, but somehow someway, that dude called the devil is just flat out good at what he does. So needless to say, more trials quickly followed.
To be
con't