The Start of Something Big

So yesterday while I was reading at work I became consumed by many deep thoughts and revelations. To be honest I felt somewhat disgusted with my past actions and at the same time I pitied even myself. To think, God has been blessing me outrageously for YEARS, and my ignorant self didn't even believe in him until a merely 2 years ago, roughly. From jump he blessed me with a number of talents, which I for the most part did nothing at all with. I played hard in sports and used my brain when needed in high school to do just enough where I had to because I knew the system too well. When I got to college I was so annoyed because of football I didn't care about anything else, when I should have been playing multiple sports and focusing on expanding my brain and other talents. But even before getting to college, I received more scholarships myself than probably my entire senior class had, COMBINED. Imagine that, me the average student, had all these scholarships simply because I had a mother that also knew the system and put together a system for me to take advantage of it. Outside of that, at the end of the day, I know that even though I didn't believe in God, I had 2 "Prayer Warriors" praying for me every day on my being on this earth. So even though I didn't believe, he still was looking out for me because of someone elses prayers. For that I will say thank you.

Outside the fact that I didn't play like I wanted to in college everything else to me was great at the time. You could post a valid argument that me and my best friend were two of the most popular people up there. Although I was known as the quiet one, we built up quite a reputation, whether it be good or bad. Now that I look back on it, do i regret all the stuff I did, not at all, just wish I would have had more guidance, but as I always say, everything happens for a reason and I was saying that before I believed. So anyways, life was good, that is until I ended up without a place to stay but still a full semester of classes. No problem for God, still provided me with places to stay and food to eat and still, I paid Him no thanks. On top of that, I still am obviously not living the right way. Once again I thank my "Prayer Warriors." Now at this point in time I would say I was at a place in my life where I was truly as far gone from God as possible, because I started to go against even my own morals. I cheated on the girl I was with, and the crazy part is, I even convinced everyone (including her) that I had a valid reason for doing it. She even apologized to me, but of course I apologized because at the end of the day, my philosophy was if you are going to cheat just break up, but I never did either before this, so this was one of those easier said than done situations for me. So here I am, lost and at a crossroads with what kind of a person am I going to be. I truly want to be good, but me thinking I was doing good already (outside of the cheating), didn't feel as though I was being rewarded properly, while on the other hand I'm looking at others who I know weren't living right seeming to prosper at a higher rate, so I didn't know if it was worth truly living what I thought was right or what I knew was wrong.

To be con't...